Dear iPhone,

Please stay intact for the next month or so. I know I dropped you on the ground in the rain with no real cover, but I need you. Just for this month. I know you are cracked. No longer the gorgeous thing you used to be. I know I am horrible and will soon be trading you in for a younger prettier model, but until then, you are my one and only. Promise.

Love (for now),
Your user

Dear Gossip Girl,

I know I am much too old to watch you, or to have ever started watching you. I gave you a chance, however, and began to appreciate your characters and drama. And how do you repay such loyalty? With ridiculous plot lines that barely make sense. With characters who act in a manner no human being should. With throwing characters into relationships with each other for no reason. With raccoon makeup on the most fresh faced girl on the show. With a complete lack of class and school for characters who are supposedly in high school and college. Good job.

Love,
Not so gossip-y girl

Dear Work,

I have no patience or attention span for you today. Why do you insist on making me think and try to function? Wouldn't it be easier if you just let me nap under my desk, just for this one Friday? Do you know how much more pleasing you would be if I could watch shows on my DVR while I attempt to write reports? I'm sick of your insistence. Okay, just a few more hours.

Love,
Is it 5PM yet?